〰️heart〰️space〰️
what's asking for your tending?
I will make the generalization that, for many of us, it’s easy to prioritize our jobs and careers.
It might also be easy to prioritize our kids, errands, and friends and family members’ needs.
But making space for our hearts—whether that means deep, fully present connection, the hobbies and activities that bring us most alive, the music that moves us, the emotions hiding underneath the surface, space and time to gaze at clouds—is trickier.
I’ve been getting curious about this with myself and in conversations with friends. I’ve been realizing that work and adult responsibilities will probably always feel like a quick default.
They provide safety, security, and purpose.
And yet, I need more than that to thrive—and I suspect that most of us do.
But it’s hard to access open-heartedness when I’m energetically depleted or tense or my schedule is packed to the brim; It’s not a state that can be forced. And, space in the schedule for relaxation or activities that refill our energy tank (outside of drinking coffee) are at odds with capitalism (and our related desire for security).
What’s enough? How much work or money? How much rest or relaxation? How much time spent doing what brings us joy?
I imagine it’s different for each of us—which is what makes it tricky: I have a friend who works 60-80 hours a week; I have colleagues that see 30-35 therapy clients a week on top of documentation and admin. When making choices for myself, I continue to check in about my capacity and what I want my life to hold—my values.
I have to trust that it’s ok to want what I want. (Again, tricky.)
I continue to remember that I get 24 hours a day; my time and energy is limited, but within these limitations there are quite a few choices.
I continue to get curious about what drives my choices: the pull of security and stability; the desire for more spaciousness, ease, connection, and radical softness.
Two pieces have been particularly useful as I continue to get curious about the balance of adulting/work/heart that feels best for my life:
The reminder that I don’t make great choices when my schedule is packed and I haven’t made space to relax: Learning what relaxes me/how to relax without numbing or totally shutting down (i.e. “the scroll”) is probably a life practice. I’m convinced that softness grows from a relaxed state, so it’s a worthy pursuit.
A little self-check in practice I’ve been doing over the past couple weeks, thanks to Molly Wizenberg. It’s been a long time since I’ve journaled, and this is something along those lines. The 6 reflection prompts are:
-Notable moments from yesterday (3 things)*
-Yesterday i learned (3)
-I’m grateful for (3)
-What would make today great (3)
-I affirm (a space for whatever words I need to hear- 2 things)
-I might feel better if (2)
I adjust these prompts based on what feels right for the day. You can add/subtract/multiply/change words. (*Molly uses GREAT moments from today, but I like having some options.) I use this practice as an opportunity to notice what I’m wanting; to notice what’s satisfying; to notice my heart.
What are you noticing about your heart/work/life balance? How do you commit to holding space for your heart?
Wishing you heartfulness,
Laura
Here are some of the (shareable) things that have connected me with my heart lately:
This writing from Joy Sullivan, via the wonderful Betsy:
First, you must realize you’re homesick for all the lives you’re not living. Then, you must commit to the road and the rising loneliness. To the sincere thrill of coming apart. Divorce yourself from routine and control. Instead, find a desert and fall in. Take the trail that promises a view. Get lost. Break your toes. Bruise your knees. Keep going. Watch a purple meadow quiver. Get still. Pet trail dogs. Buy the hat. Run out of gas. Befriend strangers. Knight yourself every morning for your newborn courage. Give grief her own lullaby. Drink whiskey beside a hundred-year-old cactus. Honor everything. Pray to something unnameable. Fall for someone impractical. Reacquaint yourself with desire and all her slender hands. Bear beauty for as long as you are able, and if you spot a sunning warbler glowing like a prism, remind yourself – joy is not a trick.
This list of movies in response to writing by Hrishikesh Hirway.
“When a woman tells the truth she is creating the possibility for more truth around her.” (Sharing pieces of Lauren & Kate’s radical wedding.)
This conversation with the incredible Andrea Gibson.
Tik, Tik…BOOM! (Netflix), and Derek Delgaudio’s In & Of Itself (Hulu)